ReGiNa

Amused

2012-01-22T08:47:00.001+08:00

Amazed by that great love
Attracted by that loving heart
And after all,
thank God its not
BROKENHEARTED-ness
Guess how much you mean to me
Not as much as God
but still a lot.

Just dedicating this to you:
Thank You for the love that you have given me.
Thank You for the words of encouragement.
Thank You for the being able to tolerate all my nonsense.
Thank You for the long scolding messages that really woke me up.
Thank You for the fair amount of surprises that you give me.
Thank You for bringing me closer to God.
Thank You for allowing me to feel that there are people that care about me.
Thank You for this almost 11months relationship, full of sweat, tears, laughter and the quarrels, the corny messages. I love you(:

My 2011

2012-01-21T18:40:00.001+08:00

Hmm it has been a long time since I updated my blog. Happy New Year everybody, although this is coming a bit too late. Anyway, 2011 was a great year and I really hope that 2012 will be a better one yea(:

I think its time for me to reflect on my 2011. Let me recall:

1) Citizenship Ceremony

HEHE! I started the year with Citizenship Ceremony with the Student Councilors. I can still remember having so much fun and food(:

2) Humanities Challenge

Then, I was one of the marshals at the KC and the East Zone Humanities Challenge. It was a really good experience and a chance for me to interact and see my seniors running all around looking for clues and whatever. I can still remember that group which said a really sick comment omg.I will never ever forget that group! I'm not taking part this year though):

3) Chinese New Year

A festive season that I always love! Hmm this one is special to me because ALL MY COUSINS got to meet(: After a year not seeing each other. It definitely feels great to see them, and i can see them soon(:

4) Sec 3 camp!

This camp is what made 305 the bonded 405 now(: I'm very sure all of us sec 3s had a great time(: Playing games and performing together, not forgetting the long walks and expedition!

Okay, thats all for the first part of 2011. and there are so many more, and I really need to thank the people for making all this happen and come true(:

6th Council EXCOs!

OMG THIS IS A REALLY NEW TEAM! AND I REALLY LOVE YOU GUYS! I had a really great time during council camp all because of you people(: and of course the councilors! I hope that we will continue to be united yea(: LOVE YOU!

YE camp committee!

That was a great and fun camp and we all must have grown both spiritually and in other parts(:

Cambodia Mission Team!
Really need to thank you people for making my first ever mission trip so enjoyable. I really learnt many things and experienced things that I wouldnt experience in Singapore such a bathing in the dark(: and seeing the people turn to Christ is such a joyful thing to do(:

305/11,405/12

Its our second year together and I HAD A GREAT TIME LAST YEAR. and im sure that i will have a great time this year too! Im so looking forward to more events and mugging together, and finally scoring well as a class for O lvls(: GO 405, we can do it! I LOVE YOUU!

Mummyyy!

Thank You mummy fro being there for me whenever I am down and I hope that we will continue to stay strong even though daddy is no longer here with us. I hope that we will continue to be the closest mummy and daughter forever. I LOVE YOU SO MUCHH MUMMY<3

Js!

It has been a really good and fruitful time with you(: and as we step into 2012 together, i hope that we will continue to grow closer to God together and that we will stay happy always! I really really hope that we can celebrate more birthdays and more New Years in the future! Thanks for making me a better person, LOVE YOU(:

and my clique, Charlene, Abigail, Brennan, Yeow Boon, Malvick, Donna

Thank you all of youuuu people for the late taxi rides home, thank you for the dinners, pool sessions and that love and deep friendship even though we meet up once every month(: love you people!

MOST IMPORTANTLY, GOD

Without God, there wouldn't be the Regina today, so I really Thank God for all he have done for me. Thank God for being the sole strength and encouragement for me throughout the whole of last year. I really need to Thank God for being with me even when others are not there. Thank God for all the words of encouragement, all the love that he have given me, all the friendships, all the relationships and the grace and mercy.

healing

2011-11-14T23:47:00.001+08:00

This has brought me smiles

this has brought me tears

this has brought me frowns

this has brought be grins.

This has brought me closer to You

this has brought me to know more about You

this has brought me closer to you

this has brought me to know more about you.

This has made me stronger

made me weaker,

just that moment and

the line of grey-

my love for You and you

Its stronger and stronger

never letting go,

but the string...

shorter and shorter

flying higher and higher

no! what if

what if it breaks?

or snap?

there it goes again,

all my efforts, my hopes

flying further and further away from me

perhaps, from us.

new strings?

no! we can never restart

never ever

The coming together, separating has brought us much joy and also tears. The repetitive things that keep happening, no. I am not going to let this happen again. Neither am I going to cling unto you and hold on too tightly on this relationship. Let it go, and let God do the job. I will not want to be like my other friends. They hold on too much until they cannot live without their other half. Maybe I was like that, but I realise, God is the only one I cannot live without. So my friend, let go if you think you should. It will not bring you two any good when you just hold on too tightly. When it ends, both of you can never be friends again. We are still young, we still have many things undone. So, let go of it.

Cherishing and clinging on is different. I would hold on. but not too tightly. It will not only not bring any good, but also harm. Things can just be solved easily, you don't have to be so persistent about some things. Putting on a glum face doesn't help at all. You will not only lose him, you will lose your friends as well.

What about my relationship?

I'm doing rather well, we have no more problems and no more arguements, which is good. I can also say that both of us are happy with each other, missing each other's company and also growing each day. Growing to be more like God and closer to him. More and more mature as well. I really have to thank God for all this. Thank God for letting me know you. Most importantly, thank God for granting me salvation.

heart wrecking

2011-11-13T14:59:00.001+08:00

In this moment

from that second

You have totally killed me

my hope and dreams

our future.

all vanished in a thought

looking at the ring of promise-

I feel hopeless

Probably helpless

nothing can help

not even doraemon

or green stuff.

Looking at the things we have in common

I cannot believe that its the end

8 months of the love from you

I realise it cannot be forever

I really cannot help, but cry. The only thing that I can do now, and the thing that I can only do at home. Many things have caused me to me stronger on the outside and weaker inside. I really hurts, not only the pain from the broken heart, but also the bits and pieces of the heart, piercing into other parts of me. Emotionally, physically and mentally, all I think about is you. Never expected this day to come, never. It came in the end. At last it came, stopping your sufferings. I thank God for you. I thank God for this experience, a heart wrecking experience that made you hate me. It made you a much better person, using me. I hate this, but I love it too, because you will not have to suffer with me, you will not have to bear with the annoying Regina. Not even Regina, regina.

I cannot let mum know that this happened. And yet I don't know how to tell her. I will not let her worry about me. I cannot. I have to be independent and not be her burden. I hate being a burden to everyone or anyone. I hate it. But I still thank God for creating me. I know I have a purpose to live, just that I have not found it. Thank God for granting me salvation, saving my life. The only one that I can trust, the only one that loves me FOREVER, not just eight months ,is God.

Looking at your contact on my phone

leaving behind, only memories

not even love

and you ended this with a " I got nothing to say okay. I won't talk to you anymore. Enjoy your turkey trip."

and did you know that it gave my heart a slash?

the past

2011-10-18T19:22:00.000+08:00

hehe! Today is a bad day. perhaps just the start of my hell days. Got back some of my results! SS-33/50, Emath paper 1-40/50, Chem-52/100, Bio-42.5/100. OH I FAILED BIO. expected, but yea. Im really disappointed with my results. Nonetheless, I really have to thank God for all he have done for me! Bringing me through my exams, bringing me through my sec 3 days with little hiccups. Praise The Lord! I also want to thank Him for all the grace and mercy he have granted me with. Not forgetting all the opportunities he hath given me to serve the community and serve Him!
" Every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in prayer" Shelter-Corrinne May.

Back and forth

2011-10-18T17:58:00.000+08:00

Been through all things

not alone but with you.

happy that you are still here

here for good.

here and not there

can be seen, and I can talk to you

boy I will not give this up

I hope you would not too.

Missing you, really badly

loving you, wholeheartedly

thinking of you, every single second

trying to make you happy every day

I love you

I hope you do, I know you do.

Right? every relationship has its ups and downs

it is normal. As long as we love each other

It is okay!

read throughh

2011-10-13T21:03:00.001+08:00

Hmm.. I just read through all my old blog posts and my old poems. I see how childish I was. I see how much I've grown. I see how much you have hurt me as a friend. I almost forgot about what you have done to me since a year plus ago. I almost forgot that I had a best friend called Evvie. I did not forget that! I just haven't been talking to her. I see how much my language have improved, and have been improving.

And I realised that every time, before my Amath paper, I would be blogging. Now, I'm doing so. Maybe because Amath is always the last and I cannot wait for it to be over, so I would just spam my blog. Like what I'm doing now. Alright, let me vomit out all I know about Amath HERE(:

1. Simultaneous Equation

Matrices- (adcd)

|A|=ad-bc

determinant: 1/|A|

2. Surds, Indices and Logarithms

a^m x a^n=a^m+n

a^m / a^n =a^m-n

(a^m)^n =a^mn

a^m x b^m=ab^m

a^m / b^m =(a/b)^m

a^-n=1/a^n

a^(1/n)=n*a

a^(m/n)=n*(a^m)

a^x=b (index form)

loga b=x (logarithmic form)

log10 x=lg x

loge x=ln x

loga xy=loga x+loga y

loga(x/y)=loga x-loga y

loga x^n=nloga x

loga 1=0

loga a=1

loga x= logbx/logba

loga x =1/(logx a)

3. Quadratic Equations and Inequalities

A+B=-b/a

AB=c/a

(-b+_*b^2-4ac)/2a

b^2 -4ac>0 - roots are real and distinct/2 unequal real roots

b^2-4ac=0 - roots are real and equal/coincident/repeated roots

b^2 -4ac<0 -roots are complex/imaginary/ no real roots

b^2-4ac(>=)0 -roots are real

4. Partial Fractions

(A/ax+b)+ (B/cx+d)

(A/ax+b) + (B/cx+d) + (C/cx+d)

(A/ax+b) + (Bx+C(/x^2+c^2))

5. Modulus Function

|a|> 0

|-a| =|a|

6. Binomial Theorem

(x+y)^n=x^n +nx^n-1 y + (n(n-1)/2)x^n-2 y^2 + (n(n+1)(n+2)/2X3)x^n-3 y^3

Term r+1= nCr x^(n-r) y^r

6. Coordinate Geometry

Distance:Square root of( x1-x2)^2 + (y1-y2)^2

midpoint: [(x1+x2)/2],[(y1-y2)/2]

gradient: (y2-y1)/(x2-x1)=tan tethaaa

gradient of perpendicular lines: m1=-1/m2 or m1*m2=-1

area: shoelace method

7. Linear Law

just convert into linear form and remember Y, X , m and c

m=gradient

c=y intercept

8. Circles

(x-a)^2 +(y-2)^2 =r^2

C(a,b) or (-g,-f)

x^2 + y^2 +2gx +2fy+ c =0

r= square root of g^2+f^2-c

9. TRIGONOMETRY

sin=opp/hyp

cos=adj/hyp

tan=opp/adj

a/sinA=b/sinB=c/sinC

a^2=b^2 +c^2 -2bc cosA

area of triangle= 1/2 absinC

Pie rad=180 deg

+ where SA

1st quad: all positive

2nd quad: sin positive, cos neg, tan neg

3rd quad: tan pos, cos neg, sin neg

4th quad: cos pos, tan neg, sin neg

Special angles: sin 30=1/2 cos 30=root3/2 tan30=1/root3

sin 45=1/root2 cos 45=1/root2 tan 45=1

sin 60= root3/2 cos 60=1/2 tan60=root3

sin(-thetha)=-sin tethaaa

cos(-tetha)=cos tethaa

tan(-tetha)= -tan tethaa

sin(90-tetha)= cos tetha

cos(90-tetha)=sin tetha

tan(90-tetha)= cos tetha

sin(180-tetha)=sin tetha

cos(180-tetha)=-cos tetha

tan(180-tetha)= -tan tetha

HEH. out of all that, only the green words I don't have to memorise.Thanks yea? I'm really tired now. Bathe, QT, and then off to sleep, really tireddd. I feel really accomplished after typing all these. Hehe!

Appointed

2011-10-13T16:50:00.001+08:00

In this shall all be said

Disheartened. Is one

followed by Disappointment.

All brought to me by you.

All we have came

Thus Far. Is something

with much Love.

Just for you and from you.

Is this all?

True feelings, and remembering.

Reminiscing all that have past.

All the past that is over.

Gone through sorrow.

Gone through fun and happy. Times

that you have given me.

Is what I desire, even the first.

Eight months of this.

I am more matured

You are too, I see.

I hope.I wish.

In this shall God be named

The God that brought us here.

No one greater. Praise the Lord!

Commit all unto Him.

All the suffering been through

By the holy one.

Remembered and Respected

by all on Heaven and Earth

The blood shed,

the tear drops. What?

All from the sinless one-

for the undeserved ones.

Like us.

Live life happier.

For God has saved us.

Love,

Regina.

(Special Thanks to GOD<3)

OVER!

2011-10-13T14:42:00.000+08:00

It has been ages, perhaps, a month since I blogged. Many things happened this month I guess. Especially these few weeks. EXAMS. what a big word! What a long week it has been. Its my last paper tomorrow, AMATH. My favourite yet what I dread most. I am so close to freedom, shopping and fun. BUT it seems so long from now. Another 24 hours. Short, yet terribly long. I just pray hard that I will do well, although I know I won't.
Alright, other than school, let me talk about other things. Had a BBQ with the RHYAs last friday and it was definitely fun hanging out with all of them, and making myself smell like the BBQ pit. It was at Amber Gardens, a beautiful condo! In the BBQ session, i got to know Hui Min better, she is so nice! Family trip overseas have been confirmed. From 15November to 24November. Sadly, it clashes with Seniors Camp. It was a joy to see the new RHYAs at induction camp, sadly, I will not be there with them as a facilitator when they graduate in Seniors Camp. Okay.

My End Of Year Holidays will be:

Filled with FUN events!
-Christmas Choir preparation
-Shopping
-Blogshop with Zoey and Vanessa
-Preparation for YE camp

-Turkey Trip with mum
-YE camp
-CCIS
-CHRISTMAS!

Filled with OUTINGS
- With RHYAs
- With cousins

- With KC friends

- With long lost primary school friends

- With my beloved churchies!

With this, I end my short post!

not holidays

2011-09-06T17:48:00.002+08:00

HMM THIS post shall be a really short one because im really lazy and i wanna go and sleep! Just a quick summary of what has happened this week so far! Yesterday had my two tooth extracted for braces next monday and theres another two going to be extracted on thursday i think.... AND then went to celebrate VanessaChiu's birthday. And today was tiring because i went to school for math lesson from 8-11 omg! and i survived it! ahahha! PURE HAPPINESS! and i finally find joy in drawing graphs only in linear law:D but i still hate coordinate geometry because its so long winded omg! and then went to expo to attend the borders book fair and sale! it was 70% off okayy! SO WORTH IT! and i bought cards that are cheap and two books: Feeling VS emotions which original price is $66.95 and chastened which original price is $37.95 PLUS TWO EASTER CARDs( original price $8 +$6) and it cost $18 altogether!! SO WORTH IT! THANKS MELODY:D

HMM! and now im so tired, had good lunch with melody which is spaghetti and sprite and brownie<3 ahahha! Accomplishment today! PRAISE THE LORD!

and im just plain tired now, alright. shall go and sleep.

DAY? DAYS?

2011-08-24T20:40:00.002+08:00

OKAY, now on to my LONG day! AWFULLY LONG ONE): Im really tired now.

Got back Geog today and i passed(: B4:D nothing much other than Chua pissing me off again( as usual?) okay. Lunch after school with Gillian and then the "drama" starts!

I went to the hall and started the banner painting! It was kinda chaotic because CCA havent start yet, so the councilors were all there( at least many of them) GOOD JOB councilors! Okay, once CCA starts, its left with people like Nora, Melissa, Melody, Sabrina, Iffah, Sarah came later, Atiqah and me! Halfway through, we had to move to the hall landing because CO needed the place-.- okayy! We started painting on the banner with no backing, as a result of our foolishness, it stained the floor. We tried to clean them by mopping( DUH??) and the purple couldnt be cleaned off and there were TWO patchesss! We panicked and freaked out! Then we tried all sorts of method, but eventually gave up._. THENNN i think dunno what happened, Nora spilled the bucket of water that we used to clean the floor, and there was like.. A FLOOD. LOL. it was rather funny, but.. SCARY.. and we completed everything with many hiccups and screw ups:/ GOOD JOB Councilors who stayed and help:D and i went home with mosquito bites, sweaty and smelly uniform and dirty me):

Went bubble tea shop with Danielle(: and took bus home!

ps. Im AMAZED by how...anyone can be obsessed with Mr Tan:/ REALLY disturbedddd, i mean a student.

Renewing my faith

2011-08-24T20:33:00.002+08:00

There is no one else that I need, other than my God, my Savior Jesus Christ.

Jesus, Beautiful Savior.

God of all majesty, risen King.

Lamb of God, Holy and righteous.

Blessed Redeemer, bright morning star.

All the heavens shout Your name

All creation bow to worship You

How wonderful?

How beautiful, name above every name, exalted high

How wonderful,

how beautiful, Jesus Your name, name above every name, Jesus

New

2011-08-24T19:50:00.002+08:00

Unearthed from the ground

It is not what we see

not what you see we see

not what we see you see we see.

Hidden conflict

unlike those in Sri Lanka

Just like normal girls

probably crude and rude

One, two, threes

what about him

and her?

and us?

Problem currently unsolved

leaving there untouched

Feeling really unhappy

Reminiscing the unwanted one

Our relationship

just like an empty stomach

starvation going on,

at the moment

Not a short period of time

organs damaged

dying,

eventually dies.

brand new?

2011-08-22T16:46:00.002+08:00

CAs are over, and I fell sick>< Alright, haven't been blogging for quite a long time. I am just too lazy sometimes, but yea, thats me! I have a MC for 2 days, and i have been sleeping for like.. a day? I need to wake up and do something. It has been a really tiring period of time for me. Schooling from monday to friday isnt enough?! Miss Chua wants us to go back on saturdays at 8 for class-.- I will die of fatigue soon if I dint fall sick. At least I could rest today. My body is killing me, all the illness and aches. I hope I can get enough sleep:D

This CA was one that I must admit that I wasnt too serious about. I scared I will regret): But I thank God that I passed Chemistry(: The only thing that I want is to PASS all my subjects, Aces would be better, but PASSing it is good enough:D I bought a new portable speaker with Jiansheng at plaza sing on saturday(: and he bought a headphone that cost two hundred plus?! OMG! He is like thattt-.- I spend money on clothes and he spend money on computer-related stuff._.

It has been almost half a year that we are together. Just five more days(: Hmm.. a new experience and encountering God closer too(: It is really different to have a boyfriend that can bring you closer to God and also bringing him closer to God at the same time(: During the start of the month, I led worship with Sherrill and it was a great experience. Its different to be a worship leader and its much more challenging. During the process of choosing the songs, God showed me his wonders over and 0ver again. Its amazing how i couldnt even relate to the topic at all and in the end, chose three songs and the other songs that Sherrill chose was under the same theme(: God is Great! and the song name could make up two sentences: Thank You Lord For all You have done(: and the other one in which i cant remember. ANW, Thank God, and praise the Lord for everything:D

See

2011-06-21T20:25:00.002+08:00

AHAHAH! Okayy I must admit that I'm way too lazy to type nowadays.

This holiday has been a great one indeed(: although I dread the coming week because school is gonna start omg!! Let's talk about my week so far, I really need to thank God for giving me such a good day in church on Sunday. It was rather interesting and I found the topic rather relavant to my life. Turning my hearts to my parents. Now that I only have mummy left, I have to do this. I am really trying to give her all the freedom that she want and also spend time with her(: trying really really hard. Went LAN with YE people and it really gave me lots of fun and also fellowship:O hmmm I also think that Im not made to play LAN omg! I was like... Dead by the end of everything, wanting to faint an everything! Alrightttt then I went all the way home by cabbing! Yesterday was quite tiring too, but I kind of enjoyed it with all my fellow excos and senior excos(: then after going to school for meeting, I went to karibs. It was really tiring and I felt like going home instead of going to tuition omg! Then... Yea a fruitful day(: on to today! Mummy woke me up early in the morning and she asked me to go to ahma house so I tagged along with her! After that, we went to far east plaza and that duty free place:/ then she left for work, leaving me there alone! I came to vanessa's house after that and had dinner(: a rather shortt day, but quite fun:D okay! Tomorrow- omg! I have to be in school at 8.30 am and take the stupid a-Maths proficiency test omg! HATE IT! I'm gonna have karibs after that again):

I shall end off here and start doing my homework!

June

2011-06-17T23:06:00.002+08:00

It has been a rather fruitful holiday. Perhaps because of the camp that I went and the Taiwan trip. Let me first talk about the camp. C13 was simply awesome. And it taught me lots of stuff. No doubt, being a facilitator is much more tiring and different from a normal camper, but it really taught me lots of things and as a facilitator, I was glad to see the whole cohort bond. Not only the four different groups, but I saw a really bonded C13. This cohort is much more sweeter than my very own C12 although I can see that they have conflicts between them? Or perhaps, there's bound to be conflicts everywhere and amongst them, conflicts are easily seen due to their personalities. It's not that bad either, at least they can handle them between themselves. Erm, the facilitator team had conflict too, but everything is solved now(: thanks to Zack and Bryan(: everyone comes from different woks of life and we all work differently and working together isn't that easy and it's not that difficult either(:

Okay, now on to the Taiwan trip(: it was kinda interesting as I met many new friends. And typing this is getting tiring(: I shall continue tomorrow(:

messed up

2011-05-16T23:58:00.003+08:00

My thoughts are just like messed up now. MIXED EMOTIONS. thats the thing that i hate to get! I don't know whether to be angry or to be sad or to be happy or to be glad. Now, I'm left with nothing, that doesn't mean that I'm useless(: I like that:D RHYA Yishun camp in two days, or perhaps one day time. Hope my planning and typing and preparation which took up most of my saturday other than church wouldn't go to waste!

To the RHYA Comm: Dear comm, we have been together for more than half a year and for some of us, even more than a year and I remember all the days that we spent together, the fun one( Less crap more sense), the stressful preparation for Yishun last year although the sec 4s were the stressed up ones, and now, i really need to thank the seniors who are stepping down:D ESPECIALLY my beloved Danielle and Anjana! not forgetting the previous planning comm: Karthi and Veena! I miss working with all of you! And now i DO FEEL THE STRESS. as Dannie and Anjana could see how stressed up I was today:/ Going around the school like some BIMBO): That used to be vera's nickname and now its mine): THANKS teachers-.- Not forgetting the seniors who graduated last year: Nerissa, Zoey, Teresa and Deonn! Without all you pioneer batch, there wouldnt be such a good and successful smooth running of the RHYA(: THANK YOU COMM AND EX COMM:D

Sea of thoughts

2011-05-16T23:44:00.003+08:00

Waves are heated

people are changing

Influential or

Influencing?

Just either,

no grey area

One line in between

From experience,

people do change

they really do,

but for the better?

or "declining?"

Nothing is easy in life,

we have to work for everything

just plain hard work is needed

hard and soft

easy and difficult.

So?

Crammed with thoughts

sea of electrons

moving around freely

that is what it is

Thought have to be translated into action

not easy.

Festive seasons

just come and go.

Passers-by

walk past you

not empathizing in any way plausible

any way possible.

Things are happening

non stop around everyone of us

Just slow down our steps

take a chill pill

and take a look at them

they will be greatly contrasted.

Separated

2011-05-12T20:43:00.000+08:00

Now that things have calmed,

that does not mean that you are forgotten

Its just the promise have not palmed,

the emotions are not yet proven

You are still here,

we know you can hear

We remember your cheers,

you are very near.

Still and calm,

and now you just come

Far and near,

but you are not here

It takes more than anything to get you,

nothing can stop me from breaking barriers.

Perseverance, thats what you taught me

thats what you showed me.

And now we are no longer near.

I used to dislike discipline from you

and now. I am missing it.

I am missing you

The feeling is sweet bitter

the emotions and gloomy happy

and I just cannot say words

Neither can I hear them

No sense of hearing,

no sense of taste

nothing but the memories

etched inside, forever.

Just three words

" I love you"

nothing more

and nothing less.

Just a dream?

2011-05-12T20:04:00.000+08:00

I guess everything seems really long. I hate it. I really do. Somehow. When i entered one of my friends that i haven't talk to for a few months, he really changed. It inspires me pretty much. I don't mind admitting that its a guy. I really admire how guys deal with problems. Its really much better and it solves the problem BETTER, much better than girls, sadly. I guess its just God's will that he wants me to be a girl. Someone who doesn't dare to voice out her views, maybe i do. But not as daringly as some other people. I cannot believe I'm doing this again, but right. I'm not in the mood to study. SICK and TIRED of all the things that are happening. It really cheers me up, just a simple word and a few songs. Inspiring and soothing ones:D

Its pretty much the last day of exam tomorrow- A maths. I must admit that I screwed this entire exam up. Everything. I should just comfort myself that I will work harder for EOYs and the truth is that I'm screwed. Not because of my results. Not because of the scoldings I will get from my mum. I disappointed myself. I let my dad down. He just wants me to study hard and get good grades, he don't expect anything else from me, when he was alive. Now, he left us. The memories that he left with my mum and I, they are really unforgettable. They will be kept with me forever. In my heart. Nothing else can beat the disappointment that i have, of myself. I didn't even realise that I never took a photo with my dad ever since i was 4 years old. Never. Dad, I'm Sorry. I'm Sorry. I had let you down. I cannot imagine I'm going through this. I never thought it would happen to me so soon. It didn't even came to me like this when mum told me that dad has cancer. Its just, no words can express my apologies to my dad and nothing else can be more than how much he cared for me. He is my earthly father, not as great and mighty as my Godly father, but he was there for me. He showed his love for me. He cared for me more than he cared for anyone else. I miss the days that we could talk when he used to send me to school everyday. I miss the days that he would bring me out for dinner. I miss how he used to discipline me. I miss how he used to scold me. I would rather he scold me now. I don't want him to leave me. Dad, I miss you. And I realised that I don't remember telling him that I love him. I know it is too late, but, I love you dad. No matter what I say now, i can change nothing.

I didn't even cry this bad at the moment when he left me, because mum was there. It wasn't this bad. I had to be strong. I have to be strong now. I will be strong for mum. I didn't dare, perhaps I wouldn't dare, to just cry out all my suppressed feelings in front of other people. Only to myself, when no one is around. People thought I would be greatly affected. Actually only Evvie thought so. Yes Evvie, you're the only one who understands me well. People thought I was fine. I wasn't fine, and I'm still not. Dad, I really want you to be with mum and I. Where are you right now? We need you. There is no one to help us in everything now. Maybe there are friends of mum that could help, but no one, NO ONE can take over your role in my heart. I just have to say that I will be strong. I know dad wouldn't want to see me like this.

Whenever I think about being with dad every single second one day before he was going to pass away, being with him when he passed away, I saw him struggling, becoming better and when his condition worsen, my heart really skipped a beat. It encourages me to live, A LOT. when I saw his will to live, He struggled for more than 24 hours, and when he wanted to give up, he didn't because my mum shouted his name and said "you cannot leave us here!" and he continued to persevere. Dad, I'm really amazed by you, I love you, I respect you.

But life still goes on. I had a nightmare recently. OMG. One sentence to summarise it: I failed my geog exam in the dream and I flew in the skies in the dream-.- I think the reason why i had this dream is because i was too stressed about my geog exam. I think I'm experiencing too much stress now and I'm getting things that i shouldn't at my age. I know I can cope it. Praise God for giving me the ability to.

I think i should end here, perhaps, my tears have dried and I think I need to start working on my A-Math. Here I come! A- Math, just wait for me to conquer you NOW and TOMORROW. I know nothing is easy in life, NOTHING. I know I can do it, and dad knows it too. Thank You dad for your constant support. I need it, continue to support me. I love you dad, believe me! I won't let you down again.

Believe

2011-05-11T22:38:00.002+08:00

I cannot believe I'm doing this, but yea. I'm blogging in the middle of the night. People have been asking me to blog(: AHAHA. Its been a really long time since i blogged. Almost a month. Life is getting from stress to ultra stress): Its my second last paper tomorrow:D E Maths paper2, and lastly A Math on friday:D Finally over it and done with.

I'm not enjoying being a core geog student, but alright, I shall bear with it since I chose it myself. No one else to blame i suppose. Alright. I have to sleep now. I know this is a really short blog post, but i have all the time in the world to blog tmr and after my paper on friday:D

p.s. I love you darling<3

Days

2011-04-08T23:21:00.003+08:00

My days are getting tougher and tougher nowadays i have to say. OMG. Sec three life is plain hectic>.< Its been a really long time since i wrote a poem and since i blogged. I feel so accomplished after writing that 9 stanza poem with 9 lines in each stanza. It really help me to release my stress(: Thank God for that(:(: I got back my term one results, actually rather long ago, before the holidays, it was rather good. Praise God for that! But i bet i will screw this term's continual assessment up because im starting to slack a lott and i am also so stupid): have to admit that. tennis training have been really fun even as a recreational player. It is really more relaxed this way. And today is the last day of CCA before it standd down for exam preparation. I feel so sad because i wont get to exercise, leading to me growing fat, for someone as fat as me, i cant afford to grow any fatter): GOSH. I need to get back my sleep these days! todayy was geog CA and IM SURE IM GONNA FAIL IT! i didnt even know how to answer a single question lah, SIAN. I think im starting to get a little bit vulgar, which is BAD! 305 is the BEST of all the classes i've ever had since P1, its the class with the least politics, maybe not yet.. but yea(: other than a few bitches or sooo-.-

Shall end off here(:

Urban

2011-04-08T22:35:00.003+08:00

Shown for the glory

Seem like the nice one

What a glory can it be?

Who can see the back

work and work

no one notices me

Tick, tick, tick,

the tremors triggered

my heart.

Rejuvenated,

for the better.

No longer the same

Shades, smiles,

subtleties.

Taking things,

light-heartedly

Different perspective,

how same?

Mask,

different masks

mood,

how obvious!

no one can see,

deep within

No one can feel,

from the

inside out.

Torn.

Bleeding!

I see it

Beyond the hypocritical

You!

Fair?

The debt.

We owe each other

Unseen...

Strong cries

Souls cry.

vile is the ground.

mile is the route.

Beneath the masks

the world

sympathetic?

Romantic?

or nostalgic?

Love,

friendship,

death.

war?

Life...

defiant, tone.

not accepted

sorry,

it's over!

Streams of life,

row, row, row

cosy blooms

ranking?

Callous.

jovial

feeling dreamy

and

puff!

vengeance

nothing we can do

Mercenary calling,

the cherubs.

Blinded,

the chimney blinks.

the gloomy faces.

In the corner,

of the room

Your face looks into

my eyes...

Your eyes feast

on the food...

Your ears watch

clearly...

See the green pasture

and grin...

Beautiful!

unforgettable(:

2011-02-25T16:13:00.004+08:00

Its been really awesome being a secondary three student omgosh(: ahahahah! Secondary three camp was an eye opener! I learnt and I definitely can say that I'm more mature now, with no doubts. 305 is really really bonded now! And thanks to the trainers! And 305 groupp odd(: is aweesooommmeeee! The things that we did there was fun(: and also the.. Sun was glaring and the sea was really brown gosh!!! Thank God for everything! Alright(: shall end here due to my tiredness.

unforgettable:D

2011-02-25T16:13:00.002+08:00

Already takenn

2011-02-03T20:52:00.003+08:00

Its hard to forget, but I will still choose to forget(: Chinese new year has been really fun! Especially the time that I spent with my cousins and relatives. It's like an annual event:D my cousins all became super pretty and handsome(: and my grandma became so pms:/ AHAHAH! But its still a good time for all of us to bond(: I just saw my baby photos when I was at my uncle's house today and it was really retarded! And my cousin kinda promised or.. Treat it as a new year gift to post it on facebook sometime soon. Oh gosh. Unglamness TTM! Photos are taken(: so cool! I really hope all my cousins can meet up together every now and then(: started my year with a fever and crying in the middle of the night. Tsk! I bet I will do the same today too(: aww my gosh. This is weird. I saw my ex tuition teacher today at my grandma's house omgosh! She's still as pretty as ever(: and so kind. Almost all my relatives couldn't recognize me today:( Tmr will be another busy day of visiting(: thank God for everything that's still the same and its only for HIS GRACE AND MERCY that things have changed for the better(: shall end here!

GOSH

2011-01-30T21:13:00.002+08:00

alright. I've learnt my lesson. never to talk to people whenever I am in a bad mood. I ended up so pissed now. after that missed call and that message, I think its better, much better. after backing vanessa up for the response song in church, and after service today. I totally felt like crying. and once I reached home, I just went into my room and started crying. better now after talking to Jeslyn. Thanks Jes! I need to talk to you. During dinner with the "149", was feeling really moody. I am really really sick and tired, literally-.- and i need to sleep. The sermon today was really relevant. I need to sleep, but i still have A LOT of homework to complete, like seriously. I cannot wait for Chinese New Year. I shall end of here since I'm totally not in the mood. Thank God for everything(:

Muscle acheee:(

2011-01-28T23:44:00.002+08:00

School has been super fun this week(: other than Monday perhaps. I didn't go because I was down with a fever and all those usual stuff-.- Had PE on Tuesday and I ran 2km in 9 minutes:/ thats rather bad, despite my MC that says that I'm not supposed to exercise. Haven't been running recently. Have to start training! Had glee club practice after that and I ate KFC despite my sore throat! And I strained my voice to sing. And I met up with Abigail, Yeow boon, Malvick and had dinner with them and some other maris Stella friends of them. On Wednesday, I lost my voice and that continued until today. Could talk, but just can't project my voice:( I also went to Kharib tuition on Wednesday. Learnt inequalities(: it's so easy and fun omgoshh! On Thursday, I was so tired that I just came home and I fell asleep:/ okayy! Today- the best day of the week:D during Chinese, I got my Chinese composition test results and I was the third in class. I was so happy!!! I'm serious! I got 50/70(: okay. I went down for recess and I walked towards Shericia and Hajar. Shericia was like.. "Eh Regina! Don't need to buy food today. I bought for you already" and I was like" when did you become so nice?!" and Hajar said" she bought extra!" there it goes to me for free._. they are so funny:S thennn we had English. The speeches given today was hilarious and today's English class was entertaining. However, I felt super bad because Hwei Xin got scolded because Miss Tay said that I was the one who did everything and she didnt do anything. Then, geog! Core Geography is the best(: and we went to chemistry lab for practical. Did paper chromatography and Sheryl and I did a total of 5-6 per person when we are only supposed to do 2-3 each. AHAHAHA! Brought all those back and they're really pretty! After that, had extra maths class. Mrs. Chang gave out sweets in class! So nice of her. And I got back my matrices quiz. I deducted one mark because I read the question wrongly omg! And my worksheet! I was penalized because I didn't write the coordinates of the thingy in a bracket form-.- alrightt. Went straight for tennis without lunch. And during tennis, played with Venezia, jasmine and Natalie and their skills are on par with mine(: so fun! Then I went for ballet! Enjoyed it a lot:D thanks jeslyn for that present! Now im ultra tired and I did my English essay just now followed by my quiet time. And now I have to sleep because I have to be in school by 6.30 tomorrow morning, erm... In 6 hours time!!
- homework load-- UNCOUNTABLE!

alright

2011-01-20T19:34:00.004+08:00

Today is great(: I forgot what, but something happened this morning that totally made my day! Had bio practical today. The best part is what happened to Hajar. I think she is part of the reason why I'm so happy today. I witnessed the entire thing okayy. She plugged in the microscope and she on the electricity. At the point, we were busy with our own things. UNTIL.. she on the power socket and the whole block's electricity got cut off. She's so poor thing today. But her presentation was totally well rehearsed(: Partly because of me. and her speech was loved by Beatrice Tay. AHAHAH! Alright, then we continued with the bio practical. OH GOSH. I got like.. 12/15 for my first bio test. I lost one mark because of the "ribosomes"It was just that 's' at the end. I lost another mark due to "mitochondria" and "mitochondrion", just plural and singular. and the last one was pure carelessness! We looked at cheek cells and plant cells using the microscope and mine didn't work. As Hajar couldn't use her microscope, we shared. And since my cell didn't work, we used hers. Miss Chua came and looked into the microscope and said ," This is a really good cheek cell!" and she told the whole class. Within one minute. My bench was crowded with people:O and we couldn't stop teasing Hajar about how much she stands out(:

Rayna and Sheryl weren't here today. I felt so lonely:/ not really.. and like now I'm sitting so far from Shericia. And I'm sitting beside Sheryl with a gap in between, and right beside E-Jen and Divya. Hope I will enjoy my new seat in threesome, the only threesome other than Shericia, Jiawen and JiaYing. Felt funny being called threesome-.- Okay, for my first ever essay this year, I got 15/30 and the highest in the class was only 17/30. And it was Divya, JiaYing and Alvina.. I think? CONGRATS:D I spent only 10 minutes on that rubbish that I handed in:S

It has been three weeks in school and I really enjoy school life so far. Other than the travelling part(: OHH.. back to school today. It has been ages since i trained for my running and during PE on Tuesday, we did suicides. Its just sprinting. I was rather tired and from yesterday to today, i have muscle ache. GOSH! I realise my stamina improved ever since the first week of school. I could not even finish my two round around the canal. I could, but i was tired. I was so disappointed in my stamina. and today, i was the last in the whole level to start and i overtook two classes and was one of the top few in my class. I felt so accomplished. Hwei Xin(: You better remember what you promised me okayy! We will run together after school whenever we can. I'm so happy today, unlike the "pissed off" me yesterday:/ Homework load is getting lesser and lesser. The teachers seem to get better each day. It isn't that bad after all right? 305 is really bonded. That another thing that I'm glad that I am in 305. We support each other to the best of our ability. Thanks 305! I know that we will enjoy our sec 3 and 4 years together and grow as a class! Getting to know more people from 305 and other classes each day. That is a good thing, no doubt. And the better part is getting to know more about them(:

I shall end of here(:

all in all

2011-01-20T19:27:00.003+08:00

Tears that never fails to drip,

just like that dripping tap.

Tears that worth much more,

than that broken heart.

Tears that mean across,

all the boundaries.

These are tears,

from my heart.

Rolling down my cheek,

just like blood,

flowing out of the wound.

Cries of help,

never heard.

Cries of hope,

you were never there.

There comes,

cries of joy.

Everything is over,

by then.

Those are cries,

that I cry out.

From my heart,

straining my body,

hurting my throat.

Just for you.

HATE

2011-01-19T23:39:00.001+08:00

If you ever noticed why my attitude changed so drastically. I am trying to make you hate me.

showtime:D

2011-01-19T22:35:00.002+08:00

The start of this year.. has been really hard on me. I think? I need some rest, but the thing is that i cannot sleep. OMGOSHH! Its like two weeks already and i sleep less than 8 hours A WEEK! arghhh. I just hope that everything will be over. Stop whatever im thinking. Stop whatever im doing. Im just bringing everything upon myself. Back to school work. I think i finally started getting out of my holiday mode(: AWW:D its a finally manz! I finally finish handing up my holiday homework. AFTER THREE WEEKS OF SCHOOL! Higher chinese is just MADNESS GOSH! I havent been going out recently, or maybe its just this week:/ I need to rest. I don't want to collapse again! Once its over, its over(: totally missed it AGAIN. whatever lah. tsktskkkk! I really wonder where did the strong Regina go to? I'm like.. so weak and emotional now! Unlike the primary school me. Evvie Soh, I really miss talking to you><

Partial fraction is FUN(:

BIO IS THE BEST:D

chem is confusing:O

Maths is WORTH STUDYING FOR=FUN:D

SCHOOL.. TIRING:(

step by step

2011-01-14T22:59:00.001+08:00

I did the same thing over and over again. I am most probably used to it, or maybe this pain just caused a numbness in me. Crying every single night, it's just something that I'm used to. A usual routine. That I will keep doing. You don't have to worry when I will stop it, I don't require an answer. But I will be more than happy to know any answer. Take your time. I've been crying and crying, going to school with a puffy and swollen and red tiny eyes. But I'm just so used to it. Omgosh! I feel so weird when I'm not smsing you. I should try to get used to this sad truth(: school was fun! ESPECIALLY CORE GEOGRAPHY MAN! it's like the best subject on earth! And additional mathematics is also so interesting OMG! But I have tons of overdue homework. Okayyy! Time for QT and then time for myself(: I shall forget about you!

26-.-

2011-01-12T21:26:00.002+08:00

The same old thing, is happening over and over again. The third time it happen this week. OMG. I just couldnt sleep ytd night again. I was tired, but i just kept on crying. until 4am then i fell asleep. what a good thing to do-.- crying to sleep. I'm like, officially sick already. Couldnt stop sneezing during school today. Things are going haywire.TSK! School today was meaningful. After my SS class, i totally have the urge to leave singapore, and England was mentioned twice in school today. And it triggers my desire to go overseas! How I wish I'm older. But I'm so young. I want sec 3 and 4 to pass quickly. And the best thing is mummy finally agreed to let me go overseas myself, but she said i have to complete either JC and uni, or poly. Of course I WILL choose poly(: FINALLY! ahahha! Have to thank my cousins for talking to her and my aunt(: which means.. i can leave singapore in 5 years time or so? WOW. I wanna go! But theres something thats hindering me from going. I'm sure that I cam overcome it:D With God, Nothing is impossible! I want to let go of everything in my life now, other than God and studies. Heres an eqn:

Homework=A lot=Stress= Gonna die:(

I SHALL OVERCOME IT AND..

Homework= A lot= FINISH IT!!

OMGOSH. I just saw a scene on TV show. a guy breaking up with the girl when he is the one that betrayed her. TSKKK

I want to sleep, but I'm so tired. And I can't sleep. WORST thing on earth!

JUST DON'T REPLY ME

35th

2011-01-11T23:09:00.001+08:00

It's been really hard on me these days. OMG! I totally neglect my studies! Went to Nex and then charlene's house after school! Until like... Ten plus?! I feel so stupid! I have to buck up for everything! I couldnt sleep this morning. It was bad. Everything came back. And I couldn't stop crying. All those days. All those happy memories. I really don't wanna let go of anything I have right now. O God, Thank you for being there for me every single second of my life. Nobody else can do such a great thing for me. I really really want to forget what I'm going through now. And move on in life. That idea of migrating came back again. After talking to Yeow boon and some other friends about it. I know myself well enough that I will definitely miss everything in Singapore. I just want to lead a carefree life. Go to a country with nobody that I know, and be a small character that means a lot to myself. Oh.. I'm not making any sense now-.- I'm starting to procrastinate already! What's this?! It's just something that's very funny. I just couldn't sleep last night. And when I looked outside my window, I saw the raindrops. Suddenly, I just started crying. Because of you, I am hurt. You took my heart away and broke it. That's the worst part! My tears just couldn't stop rolling down my cheeks, like how the rain couldn't stop splattering at my window. The tears on my face, resemble the blood that's oozing out from the wound that you hurt me from. I don't want to keep both of us in a situation that we would suffer together. I don't mind if I suffer or not. That doesn't matter. As long as you are enjoying your life. I won't disturb you. That's something that I promised myself that I will do. Sorry.

34th

2011-01-10T18:04:00.003+08:00

just realised that my previous post is the 33rd post. - That was for you Vanessa.

Things just went haywire once 2011 started. I didnt start the year well, perhaps thats why im screwing up every single thing i do nowadays. which is so irritating. The time that i had in COGS, especially with the YE members were the best memories in my life. Really really. From heart press camp, to Diocese Youth Camp, to church camp, to YE chalet. They were really the best. Not only for fellowship, but they also brought me closer to God. I really have to thank all of you for that. Now that I have to move on in life, perhaps letting go of all these, but i assure you, all of those memories will definitely be kept inside my heart. I will miss all of you. Especially my cell group, tigris. I will be back whenever i can. I will try my best.I really hope that the new environment that im going to, will be one that brings me closer to God, and also one that can help me with knowing Him more.

I need to do some things now. OMG. Im gonna thank all those that i can remember, that helped me a lot during 2010(: Don't worry, its not in order:D

Charlene(:

Thanks babe:D for being there for me, when i needed you, even when i was so lonely. You were there for me most of the time. I miss the time that we spend at Nex. I miss the process how we got close even though we only knew each other for like.. days. Your jovial character cheers me up. Just remember, forget about all those other funny stuff and move on in life. I will not forget how me went through so many things, the gossips, the heart to heart talk and the shoppings! Don't worry about your results, you did well, at least you tried your best and gave your all:D Strive and not skive in poly(:

Vanessa Chiu(:

Thanks a lot:D for making me a better person. You are always there for me when i need you. In church matters, in my personal and my family stuff. and your mouth is like a bottle thats sealed( not to some people though) I'm sorry for making things so difficult for you at times. I really enjoyed the times that we played with Orlie, the times that we had fun perming our hair and preparing for year end dinner. Thanks for also helping me with my studies and giving me advices(: I can really say that you brought me closer to YE, even when i lost hope, you were there to pray for me. You brought me closer to God at the same time, not forgetting how fierce you were when i drifted away from God(:

Abigail(:

Thanks a lot babe:D for being there for me during senior camp. I certainly learnt many things from you. and i wont forget the time that we clubbed. It was funny enough that Shawn camp up to you to get your number(: ITS REALLY FUN TO BE WITH YOU(: because you're so sweet and nice(: Thanks for giving me advices that are really really useful! Love you<3

SHAN SHAN(:

Thanks a lot pretty girl(: You're so innocent and cute! I'm serious! You're so pretty and smart too! You're the prettiest girl i've seen thats from cedar you know! and.. your voice is just so sweet! Thank you for being there for me during seniors camp and also being part of lynxes and that totally make my life as the second deputy head of lynxes so fun and happy! I loved the time that i sent you home and the times that we had at Nex and Sentosa! Miss you and love you loads(:

Danielle Marie Vista Patayan(:

OMG DANIELLE! I think you're one of the seniors that im closest to! You are my OCD partner man:D although yours is much worse than mine LOL. right.. you are damn funny! and i miss planning yishun camp with you. I miss going to chong pang with you. AND I MISS talking on the phone with you every day! and the meet ups that we had:D Your bus trips with me, and the time that you couldnt stop suaning me about everything under the stars! I miss RHYA-ing with you, msning you. everything can never go back to then, but still, i love you:D catch-up with you soon babe:D

Vera(:

VERAHH! OMYYYTIAN! you're the ultra bimbo that i've seen ever since in joined KC. Im happy that you're in council:D and i really love you as my Logistics I/C and i love planning RHYA stuffs with you! you're full of ideas! The best is still both of us ganging up to bully Dannie:/ ahahah! anw, your presence is loved and remembered my me okayy. Although we are in different class now, just stay close okayy:D LOVE YOU!

there are still many, but i cant type that much, so i shall name them:

Yeow Boon, Shaunald, Rachel, Brennan, Eunice, Gene, Marcus, Hui Hui, Hock Jin, Evvie, Pei Yi, Anjana, Zoey, Wenceslaus, Amanda, Celeste, Sarah, Desiree, Lin Yi, Sharifah. TOTAL OF 26(: Matches totally with my birth date:D

I really miss DYC. The times that the games committee had fun even testing out all those fail and gross games! I really missed that camp, it was the camp that God really really made an impact and a change in my life. A really great change! It totally drew me so close to God. I really want it again, and the speaker was engaging! I can still remember every single sermon he said!

All these will be placed in the centre of my heart. My focus will be kept clear, which is God. Nothing else, including relationships. because relationships let me down countless time, God never failed me at all! God was there and is there for me whenever i need Him. He's my Refuge, my Redeemer, my Saviour, my KING. and my source of peace and hope, also Love.

I have to complete my homework now, and get you out of my mind. OMGOSH

3rd(:

2011-01-06T18:17:00.001+08:00

It's the third day of school:D sec 3 is really tiring TO THE MAX! OMG-.- the homework load is just... MADNESS OKAYY! I'm serious! Especially elective literature. Haven't had a core geography class this week:( I want GEOGRAPHY! sec one orientation tour was fun. BUT THE SEC ONES ARE JUST BIMBOTIC-ally funny! And as blur as babies:/ tomorrow is sec one orientation camp:D I'm sure I WILL ENJOY IT! but.. I'll be missing all the lessons. I will be blur on Monday! For sure:( maths is fun, LIT IS A KILLER MANX(: bio is interesting(: chem is the BEST! today is just SO MY DAY! I'm just like.. HAPPY! something just made my day(: I have tons and tons of homework though, but I'm still HAPPY(: To you: thanks for making my day and week so happy and.. AHAHAH! You're the best! I miss you loads<3 thanks Shericia and Rayna(:

THOUGHTS:D

2011-01-02T13:16:00.001+08:00

2010 has been a great year. I enjoyed the last day of it and also the first day of 2011:D

If letting you go, will make you happy, I WILL DO IT, DEFINITELY! If letting go, will gain back the friendship, I WILL. If letting you go, makes me suffer in the process, I WILL. Therefore, I am letting go now. It's not that easy. I guess I just have to stop seeing you, and remove you from my circle of friends for the time being. Everything is doing quite well, i really enjoy what we are now, Just FRIENDS.

Everything is changing. It might not be a good thing either. YE has changed, from Sunday to Saturday. I'm very sure mum won't allow me to give up ballet because of YE no matter how hard i try. Everyone has changed. From the start of 2010. Seem so fast, a year has ended. Now, a new start. I have no idea why, but I love the feeling of being alone, left out. Label me whatever you want- perhaps, a loner, someone thats being disliked? I just enjoy it. I envy those introverts. I hate being an extrovert. Its not that good either. I've seen many things just in this 2010 and i dont wish to see them ever again. Things that make me feel angry, sad, jealous. Some things are just meant to be there, but some things are just not meant to be there. Life is just unfair!

I just feel like being alone, talking to myself. It just feels much better than anything else. School is gonna start in 2 days time. I still have ALL my homework UNTOUCHED>.

Stop

2010-12-16T10:55:00.001+08:00

Stop giving me false hope. I rather you be a jerk and I hate you forever! Stop letting my spirits get lifted and happy, and drop me down from the top. I rather you treat me like a nobody from the start!

Change

2010-12-16T10:23:00.003+08:00

Things are changing, we can no longer talk like normal friends, or maybe i should say, i can never treat you as my normal friend. Theres always something more than it, and that something, will be haunting me forever. To be serious, I saw something that I shouldn't see on your phone. I know its not up to me to decide or judge who is it, but you know deep in your heart that shes the one. I was happy, when you sent me. But again, my heart sank when I left you. My heart was really shattered, because you lied. You lied to me, not once, but twice. Think about it! I am trying to treat you as a normal friend, you misused the trust that i gave you. I will never do it again. I know that you are trying to make me hate you. Yes, you are almost succeeding! I am starting to hate you. You know that I hate people who lies. You know that you don't normally do that, and you did it to me because you just want me to hate you. Since you dont even treat me as a friend, i suppose, theres no point at all talking to you. I am really really trying. You tried to make me believe what you told me through the smses, and i stupidly fell for all those LIES. ALL LIES! But what you told me on the train, is too much for me to even accept it. I chose to not accept it, and it turned out to be... ANOTHER LIE! I really doubt what you even say now. All the promises, gone blank. I don't know if you will even bother checking my blog for any reason, and thus, you won't see this post. Some things are SERIOUSLY better, when its left unsaid. When i heard that you're leaving, i was utterly saddened, but i think its also a good time, for me to forget you. And the next time we meet, we will be friends again. I wanna have memory lost, to forget all the unpleasant things that you've done to me. I wanna stop all these from happening, everything from going from bad to worse.

Understanding

2010-12-14T00:14:00.003+08:00

Understanding

Thinking deep,

looking out.

As i see all of it.

How much you've hurt me,

you will not see it.

All you see is the strong me.

It covers it all.

Just like a cover,

that protects a book.

That cover,

looks hard.

The papers are soft,

inside.

Just like my heart.

Thinking about it,

why am i so silly?

As to fall for you.

My heart,

just like the glass.

You broke it,

left it shattered on the ground.

Without noticing it.

I wish i could,

erase the short days.

That we had together.

I wish i could,

just treat you as a friend.

That was how it all started.

I wish i could,

not think about you.

That is breaking my shattered heart more.

I wish i could...

All of these are just wishes,

dreams of mine.

That will never come true.

You will never love me,

just like how serious I am.

I know,

I know it well enough.

It's just another,

one sided love.

For me to give,

and for you to reject.

I just enjoy it,

when i look at you from afar.

I just enjoy it,

when i see you happy.

It heals some,

but unfortunately,

not mending my broken heart fully.

That heart was broken by someone else,

its more fragile,

you just touched it.

It broke,

and i have no idea, how to stick it back.

There will always be scars,

left there on the surface.

Whether you stop it or not,

is not up to me

To decide.

Fall for you

2010-12-13T23:12:00.005+08:00

This is bad. Falling for someone. Hmm. not a good thing at all! I dont wanna be like this. I dont wanna see you! But i just saw you today. That feeling was happy, but sadness struck me, when you went home. Its really terrifying to see your shadow as you walk. I expected you to have dinner with us, but it turned out the different way. I didnt sms you straight after that. I want to, but i can't let you know. I can't let you know that i haven't got over you. ARGHH! What the fuad?? Fuad, you have a nice name thats useful lol :D After playing an indian game, i can conclude that im not fated to be an indian(: I cant play it well at all:/ and some "nice" guy said that i suck at it. Felt so insulted, but sadly to say, its the truth(:

The best thing is that you play audition! Thats a super joke! I think stopping audi is a good choice(; Time is really freaking NOT ENOUGH for me! I have no idea how come im still blogging here, perhaps waiting for your reply on the phone. I have the urge to call you, i can't do it! I cannot possibly call you and tell you that im calling you just to hear your voice right? This is super annoying! Charlene and abigail are crazily crazy:D We are super fated to be good friends lol! Chatting is our favourite pastime!

REST

2010-12-11T21:13:00.003+08:00

Had another tiring day. Slept at 4 last night, due to stupid google and facebook(: and woke up at ard ten. I went to ballet too(; HAD SUPER LOADS OF FUN WITH GENE AND NATASHA! Although i am still down with the freaking flu and cough. GOODNESS GRACIOUSS! I just wanna sleep now, but i have things to do! ARGHHH._. I needa eat my dinner too lol! Almost forgot about it! Until mum called me and asked me if i ate dinner. And i was like.. right...i forgot all about it! I have NOTHING to eat at home now, how? I wanna eat Macs, but i cant! I dont wanna go to the doctor again. and i dont wanna get lecture from mum and dad. GRRRR!

The walk from the LRT station to my dance studio never fails to make me reflect on my week, and think of you. Can i make you my history? I thought of my week as a sick one. I slept a lot from monday to thursday, thanks to my drowsy medicine. RECO was amazingly fun. I think i didnt choose the wrong comm though:D Ate little this week! An accomplishment okay! For someone like me who eats a lot! and planned uncountable stuffs for Lynxes. Shall stop here(:

GREAT

2010-12-10T00:49:00.002+08:00

I suppose its great having a senior thats a devoted christian or catholic. THANKS DANIELLE.

Thanks for showing me that skit video. It really touched me. That particular 5 minutes, was so touching. It was like, exactly... what is happening to me now, i think. I am drifting away from God, seriously! Because of my negligence, because i am taking everything for granted, I MUST admit it! Its a serious matter, i am drifting away, neglecting God. Why?? I guess this is another trial that God has placed me in. Again, my time management! Prioritising, telling myself, whats important and whats not so important, what comes first, followed by what. Everything is so messed up now, I am screwed up. I can still remember telling myself to do my QT everyday, where did it go now??? I remember telling myself, to put God, above everything else. What is my priority now? MYSELF? MY FRIENDS? GOODNESS GRACIOUS! I seriously need to do something about it. I think i just have to pray, and talk to God, committing myself to the Lord God almighty. That might stop these things. I have to get back to God, its for my own good, i know!

Everything is messy! My schedule, my health! Even my memory has gone haywire! Goodness gracious. I am forgetting stuffs, messing up stuff. Finding myself so destructive lol.

TIME FOR MY QT AND GOD(: BYE!

((:

2010-12-07T16:27:00.002+08:00

Perhaps.. I might want to reconsider forgetting you. OH MY GOODNESS! guys nowadays are so freaking ungentleman. or maybe is only those that i know. SO irritating. I wanna see you, but i dont wanna see you(: I dont want to leave you again, so i rather not enjoy the few moment with you.

Sentosa yesterday was awesome(: and sending someone home feels so good(:

HEHE(:

2010-12-01T14:54:00.002+08:00

I had family dinner on monday which is so AWESOME(:
I had training yesterday which is so TIRING, but FUN(:
I met Danielle yesterday at Vivo yesterday after training, which is CHAOTIC(:
I am currently having fun at my cousin's place, which is SLACKIEST(:
I am suppose to do my homework though, which SUCKS(:
Everybody is having fun, while im stuck in the world of myself._. feel so lost!
I cant wait for the family trip to Genting this year(: but im sure i will be lost when im back in singapore again! oh freak! i wont be able to make it for church end year dinner, and i wont be able to go for the YE christmas celebration because i will be in CAMPS, i actually thought I will enjoy it, but it doesnt seem like it now:(
OKAYY(: i have to go and cook and have fun NOW(:

Officially missing you

2010-11-30T10:40:00.001+08:00

Im officially missing you(: that song is nice okayy! Miss you- the time we had in camp and in china(: I really love camps and trips. Just had a 7 hour maths tuition yesterday which is driving me crazy._. oh gosh! But I feel so pro at it now:\ LOL. I'm freaking jealous about how other people get to go to european countries! That my cousin and I agreed to go visit our uncle in Germany next year(: we are gonna go there and have loads of fun(: I think only both of us, and no parents! That's so cool right? I will definitely find time for you, Regina! I have no private time at all throughout the freaking holidays._. other than the genting trip on 20th December. Not even a day that I can sleep it all out-.- I have training later. Miss it, but dread it. My stamina is bad, my tennis skills are terrible! I miss the days in Kunming and miss staying in the village(: miss having fun in nacli too(: I need to get many stuffs done! Including my holiday homework! Loads of it to do heh! And loads of kharib's tuition homework! Must seriously plan my time well! Cannot waste my short holidays(: time is essence! It is precious okayy(: I remembered something! My to do list!
I have to complete my Chinese test paper!
I have to complete 2 Chinese letters!
I have to write 1 Chinese essay!
I have to get my English ARTICLES done!
I have to do the Maths assignment on Ace-learning!
I have to get many many maths worksheet assigned by Kharib!
I have to come up with my dear schedule!
I have to go shopping, oh gosh!!
I have to get my books for sec 3!
I have to do everything before I go genting(:

better(:

2010-11-27T21:45:00.002+08:00

Better

Knowing you,
Something that I never expected.
You got me out
Of the previous one,
And now,
No, nothing is going on.
You are so high,
Up there.
And I'm so low,
Down there.
What so great about it?
It's just.
One sided,
Wanting it to end,
Do you think it's easy?
No it's not!
Can't bear to see you leave,
But what else can I do?
I know I will miss you,
But what else can I say?
No words can express
Thoroughly,how I feel.

Seniors(:

2010-11-27T21:41:00.001+08:00

The camp was a blast, it change me. A huge change, even me myself was impressed-.- I don't know If that's a good thing, but according to other people, it is a good thing. Knowing new friends and making new bond is something that I love to do(:

LOL

2010-11-03T18:01:00.001+08:00

This is where I went today, in Singapore. From the north to the east, from the east to the west. From the west to the north-east. From the north east to the north and from the north back to the east. Tired like mad! And all using public transport(: not cabs!

ROJAK:/

2010-11-03T10:01:00.003+08:00

Everytime i browse through the internet, i will go to your blog, its something interesting that i have no idea how i got there. I know that you are busy enough to not blog on weekdays, and i still check blindly there. I'm waiting there, like a blur block, for y0u. I thought i got over you, but why do i keep doing that? I want to get out of this super bad dilemma. ARGHHH-.- I know that you will definitely bring me closer to God, but why do i not tell you anything? Maybe i really isnt that girl for you. Definitely i know that someone else is in your heart, why do i keep everything to myself, vanessa chiu and hui hui, no one else but God knows. I placed this friendship at God's feet, letting him do whatever he wants to. Since he doesnt want you to know then i think.. ITS GOD'S WILL that we remain as friends, normal friends, not any more than that. I cannot stop thinking at you whenever i hear that song. But thats all that i can do. Seeing you enjoy, im happy. Seeing you suffer, my heart breaks together with it. Please Lord, help me. You may not be there for me when i need you, but.. i hope that if you have any problems, you can just ask me like what i did to you. i asked you questions when im in need. Thank you for all the advices given although i think i didnt really use any of them. Thanks for being such a great friend that i fell for you without any reason

Holiday has been rather busy, or maybe... i've been busy playing(: stayed at my cousin's house for 3day and 2nights. Its so fun here:D I have many many things to do before i leave for china on tuesday morning. I cant stop despising the timing that im leaving singapore. The flight is at 3.25am on tuesday morning and i have to be there at 1.25am on tuesday morning, its like.. one hour and twenty-five minutes after midnight and the timing is like so screwed. How am i gonna sleep well that night-.- How i wish you will be there to send me off at the airport. How i wish, means that will not happen:( only in my dreams-.-
I have to start buying some stuff.
I have to get all the things that i need that vanessa chiu has from her.
I have to start packing my bag.
I have to go and settle my auto-roaming stuff.
I have to pack my wardrobe.
I have to get some funny stuff done.
I have to meet mummy out and get a new phone for both her and me.
LASTLY, I have to get over you.

irritated:/

2010-10-31T12:49:00.001+08:00

I just realized that I cannot tolerate NONSENSE!!! Grrrrrr:( what crap is this! Lord, teach me how to be gracious and forgive and love DIFFICULT people.

Remember(:

2010-10-30T22:38:00.004+08:00

I am currently going through my weakest part of this year, maybe my life O.o Most probably because im getting out of my comfort zone. Starting to play tennis as competitive as an experienced one. Starting to learn how to study without mummy asking me too. Starting to go on to sec 3. Starting to experience stress, ballet exam. Starting to learn how to manage stress. Starting to learn how to choose my own subject combination. Starting to learn what so good about being left out and alone. Starting to be more mature. Starting to be independent and not depend on people around me. Starting to love people that are worth that love. Starting to learn how to trust certain people and how not to trust some people. Starting to learn how to control my feelings and emotions.

I suddenly remembered when was the first time i saw you. That day, two years ago. It is unforgettable, from that kind of disgust, to such a love now. Wow-.- You miraculously forgot my birthday. Or is it just that you dont want to wish me. Whatever it is. I don't have to bother, do I? Thanks everyone for your well wishes on facebook, smses, phone calls, almost phone calls, in school, even at home. THANKS:D I had the effort and time, to reply them one by one. THANKS A LOT(: Thanks Lin Yi and Desiree for that lunch we had together. The food was awesomely good, you guys were awesomely good too(: Desiree- I still have your beautiful UNGLAMOROUS photos:P Thanks everyone for your letter and presents, especially my dear team(: Son, Vik, Rach, Nic, Dini, Claud, Sin, Bev, Jean, Ash, Nat, Natt(: LOVE Y'ALL

I received something funny from some "retarded person" :/ AHAHAHAH. VANESSA CHIU YAN ER. Your turtle/tortoise thingy is so scary:( BUT THANKS A LOT(: FOR THE EFFORT MADE OKAYY.

Was looking through my letters and presents from my past birthdays. I feel blessed with such nice friends.

AHAHHA. why am I typing such wordy posts nowadays?! Its like.. ELEVEN NOW-.- I dont feel tired, maybe i do.. but.. I just wanna complete this wholeheartedly before my QT and them off to sleep.

Many things happened this week. Many things will happen in this holiday:/ I WILL TRY MY BEST. I PROMISE, to TRY AND KEEP THIS BLOG ALIVE OKAY(: but there are more important things heh.

I have sun burn on my face, and its RED LIKE LOBSTER :/ MISS KOH!!! DONT GO!! HEH. it rhymes(:

Just gonna end off here(: THANKS GOD FOR ALL THE BLESSINGS THIS WEEK<3

Departure

2010-10-28T20:44:00.002+08:00

Departure

I arrived,

we got close.

Now that you are leaving,

I'm recalling the days.

You saw the potential in me,

you asked me,

you talked to me,

you were the one who lifted me,

guided me throughout the year.

Why?

I am deep in thought.

Why must you leave?!

Now that I've thought through,

you've been with me through everything.

Not as a form teacher,

not as a subject teacher,

not as a CCA teacher,

but as a mentor,

your love was genuine.

I could feel it you know!

I cannot imagine RHYA without you,

you made a difference in my life.

If you are gone next year,

everything will be different.

Thank God that you are still there.

You promised that you will be in contact with me.

Please keep that promise,

I know you will,

just like all the promises you've kept so far.

You will be remembered,

as the cheerful one,

the mild one,

the kindest one,

the sweetest one,

the smartest one,

the one who is there for me,

the one that never fails to alert me,

the one that never fails to guide me,

the one that never fails to talk to me like a mentor,

the one that never fails to love us.

Thank You(:

Reflect(:

2010-10-28T19:11:00.006+08:00

Its the end of my 2nd year in KC. Actually not yet, we still have our KC Carnival and trip to Kunming. I've been hit hard. Hit enough that i almost cried during Thanksgiving and in class. Only one drop of tear rolled down my cheeks today. Because of Miss Koh. She mean a lot to me. Much more than any other teacher. A teacher in KC that touched me the most, she lifted me up in RHYA. Gave me countless advices. I thank God for bringing her into my life.

Next, THIS IS DEDICATED TO MY DEAREST 205.

205, we've been through thick and thin in this two years time. We've been through quarrels, we have cliques. We hate each other, we love each other. Sometimes we feel left out, sometimes we feel overcrowded by people around us. Miss Chang said that we were competitive. No, i dont think so, I think that we are OVER COMPETITIVE. Its actually not a good thing at times, we might betray our friends for the sake of the high grades in our report books and cards. We might just go close to smart people and leave others out. Nevertheless, it might be a good thing because when we are competitive, we'll improve. To be serious, i did not really like 205 in the beginning, but after the two years spent with you, everything changed.

I am not so in the mood to complete this post, but i will just wrap up with a prayer.

Thank You Lord for bringing me into KC, Thank You for bringing good teachers into my life. Thank You Lord for giving me such satisfying results and I pray that you will be with 205 in their further studies and i pray that you will bless Miss Koh as she continue in her career. Amen

My eye just became a tap thats not closed tightly, because of her reply.

PROMISE:D

2010-10-22T16:18:00.003+08:00

I promised someone that i will update both my tumblr and my blogger. It seems that i did not really carry out that promise heh D:

I AM TRYING, I REALLY AM!

SO, im trying to do it now since... EXAMS ARE OVER. First things first. ALL THE BEST for all the SEC 4s that are taking your Os next monday(: I will not even try to name them because i know i will surely leave someone important out:/

OK. Back to the point, I am really unhappy with my results.

THE TERRIBLE HAZE HAS BEEN SCREWING ME UP, I AM SERIOUS.

Im sick again. Yes, AGAIN. But its better when i didnt even went out after i came home yesterday. I felt as if I was in Genting yesterday when i was coming back from Vanessa's house and the docs.

Theres ballet tomorrow, choir practice, RHYA planning, Preparation for Kunming. I will be another chaotic day, and just badly planned my schedule is, I cant make it for cell. It clashes with the preparation for kunming, I might not even be able to make it for the choir practice. OH NO!! 24 hours, IS NOT ENOUGH!!! and why must everything be on saturday?????

chill regina, chill!

I've been home for two days, not a good feeling. other than going to Vanessa's house yesterday.

OHHH!! Anyone knows whats a travel wash, and where to get it?????!!!! OH TERRIBLE HORRIBLE VEGETABLE. NO.. VEGS are lovely and nice, and they're GREEN:D

Counting down, 3 more days to O lvls.

Counting down, 4 more days to my birthday.

Counting down, 17 more days to KUNMING:D

HOW AWESOME IS MY LIFE???!!

and why? BECAUSE OF GOD. God's grace and blessings are on me. I feel blessed, arent i?

Pray for God's blessings and mercy to be on me.

Pray for God's healing to be on me.

Pray for good time management.

Pray for closer relationship with God.

P.S. Im currently too overpowered by my own feelings to write poems, and again, my brain is not working heh:/

exams

2010-09-29T19:42:00.001+08:00

I've been procrastinating my way since I entered KC-.- not studying a single bit! Should I start studying now? Streaming:( English tomorrow! What can I do for it??Learning thingsAcquiring knowledgeProcrastinating muchIn the endI've nothing leftThe bells of the heaven rings,Singing worship! Worship the almighty God!

SHALL

2010-09-08T14:52:00.002+08:00

I SHALL TRY MY BEST TO UPDATE THIS BLOG AS MUCH AS I CAN:D
no matter if its poem, or about my own life:)
Spent quite long on the blogskin. BROWN CONTACTS FTW<3
IM SO BORED AT HOME, love training:D

The birds fly,
reflecting what they have.
Wings and freedom
thats all.
Thats all that they have,
facing danger and threats everytime they fly.

Who does not want freedom?
With freedom,
we can do whatever we want,
BUT
it means that no one cares about us,
no one is there to protect us.

Love is the greatest of all.
For the sacrifice that the Lord gave,
is out of Love and nothing else.
How I wish that we can be just like 2o% of how God is,
although we are created just like him, but he is
Gracious, Loving and he Forgives our sins.
We can tolerate sin, but he can't.
We sin, but he doesn't.
We don't know ourselves well enough, he knows everything.

Ps.In everything you do, PRAY. IT WORKS

Betrayed(Simple/Complicated)

2010-09-01T21:05:00.003+08:00

Simply it

Looking deep
you see something.
That complicated feeling,
betrayed.
When someone feels betrayed,
its not as complicated as
IT IS.

You overlooked something,
something as simple as
sad and angry.
You weren't the one
that was faced with all these.

Nothing is the same.

Friends,
require trust.
You are not one
that I can trust with anymore
from now on.

Looking deep,
thinking simple.
Never the same.
Strong emotions,
something simple words
will never express.
True.

It will never be the same.
NEVER
ever
you will gain back that trust.

Think twice,
thrice,
before anything else.

GUESS WHO:)

2010-08-28T21:41:00.003+08:00

Ups and Downs of her

That girl,
really bossy.
Not really loved by her friends.
Without her,
"Nothing will be different."
With her,
"Everything is changing."

That girl,
contradicting everything.
Ironic like everything else.
No one else understands her
more than the God that she trusts,
even herself.

That girl,
watching a movie,
her life?
She is devoted,
rather lost and gone.
Trying to make a difference,
trying to lead.

Too much responsibilities?
I think so.
Coping well?
I doubt so.
She cares about her friends,
putting her God before everything else.
Her friends and herself,
behind and after.

That girl,
hates people who lie to her,
cheat her feelings,
are hypocritical.
What else?
I have no idea.
You have to ask her yourself.

Careless,
faithful,
are words that can describe her.
What a bossy careless one?
Once again,
making a difference.

2010-08-28T21:34:00.003+08:00

Waiting to be gone

Hanging there
on the cliff,
someone waiting to be gone.

Better way,
better word.
Hanging there
on the cliff,
someone vanishing-
waiting to be gone.

Alternatively,
without anything that is common
or similar to others.
No one else will help.
No one else will do.
Without you I can say,
"Nothing's different."
However,
"Something is different,"
with you around.

Going to be gone,
waiting there,
what can you do?
You can try?
Being a good friend,
nothing's better without you,

You were here,
but now you're gone.
No one else,
can touch my heart like you do.

My friend,
I can't do without you.
You are a vanishing one,
Nice and kind,
putting everyone else
before you.

2010-08-23T22:13:00.002+08:00

Faces
Ups and downs
are unavoidable.
Happy, sorrow
or anything thats like that.
Known as emotions
why not masks?

Putting on each different one
at different places,
different events.
Really different.
Whats so wrong
about being yourself?

Through it all
we have came.
Nothing else
we can pay.
Why must everyone
have different masks?

Everytime i go,
i see that face.
So different,
yet so similar.
Same one
different masks.
In the end
everything turns out differently.
Not the desired outcome,
something driven by jealousy,
anger,sadness.

Dedicated to my dear friend(S)

2010-07-07T20:05:00.003+08:00

Dearest
What a good friend,
you are.

Someone,

to talk to.
Don't think about,
who it is.
It is you,
my dear friend.
I am really,
truely happy,
to know you.
Someone whom,
I can confide with.
Someone whom,
I am able to trust.
It is all about,
TRUST.
Yes,
it is.
Therefore,
I thank you.
For being beside me,
though its not that long,
but i still appreciate it.
Therefore,
I thank you.
For trusting me,
and telling me things,
and not tales.

Bad enough

2010-07-03T23:23:00.002+08:00

Whenever im here, its either im damn sad, angry, happy or emo.
OK, back to the point.
I cried. today, after a very long time. i cant remember when was the last time i cried. For that very moment, i really could not remember the happy memories that we had. For that very moment, i felt that. Everyone thinks taht its my fault. Maybe its just that you seem nice to people. Yes i admit that you are nice. Ok. i admit that im at fault, but not everything.
You might think that i just treat you as a small character, but seriously, you are one of the few huge characters in my life so far. You are considered my best friend, i tell you almost everything, even those that i should not. From that very last message onwards, i can say that you have really really hurt me badly. I am not here to blame you or anything. I just want to tell you that for whatever things that i have hurt you, i have made you feel mad, sad or any other unpleasant stuffs, i am realy sorry. Do you know how much stuff i have learnt from you?
Definitely, you have brought me closer to God, much closer. I really want to talk to you personally. I think that we really have to talk things out.
OK DONE with expressing my feelings.
just realised that tears rolled down my cheeks like some tap opened to the maximum. ok. I really feel damn bad now. i need to talk to someone.

Disappointed

2010-06-27T02:17:00.002+08:00

Maybe what Evvie told me was correct. Shes not that easy. I dont know what she's up to. She might just be good and nice before me, and talk bad about me behind me. I've had enough of it. Im not going to let this situation get from bad to worse. Sorry. I don't want what happened last year to happen again. To us. Im really disappointed in her,not only her, but also in myself. For not seeing her true colours, until i put my heart and soul into this friendship. I dont want myself to get hurt ever again in this type of situation. This is bad. I dont know how to get out of it, i dont know how to tell anyone about this, Maybe i will just tell God about it, pray about it. I have put in a lot of effort, to keep this difficult friendship going on, but it turned out, for her to betray me. In this time, no one else other than God can help me.

This is really getting bad. With the person that I love, liking her, the friend that I trust the most, its bad. I really should not get myself into this kind of shit stuff:/ Will just pray abt it and see how it turn out to be. As God is great and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me:) and prayers are amazingly powerful:D

I will remember what you said to me, and not get myself into this kind of shit ever again. As, God is the one I love the most:D. I will remember that. and no matter what, God is the one that loves me the most.

Nothing's Changing

2010-06-24T21:28:00.003+08:00

Nothing's changing

That feeling's,
not changing.
That love's,
not changing.
It will,
eventually.
Eventually,
we will lose touch.

If i do not,
have that courage.
You should know,
can you take the step?

I am very,
happy.
Just standing,
at that small corner.
Looking at you,
having fun.
With them,
not remembering me.

I am satisfied,
just looking at you.
Or even,
thinking of you.
You are not the best,
and you will never be.
But as long as,
you follow God,
closely,
i believe.
You will be the best,
in God's eyes.
As everyone is.

GLORY TO GOD:)